Professional Student of Life
Adventures in personal growth
The desire of my heart is to be loved so fearlessly by somebody. I will not allow myself to not feel chosen every single day. ~ Hannah B., contestant on The Bachelor
Yes, I confess that I watch The Bachelor sometimes, and I also happen to believe that profound wisdom can be uncovered almost anywhere. This particular episode followed hard on the heels of a disheartening experience on Match.com, so I was particularly receptive to its message.
Although we’re probably at our most raw and vulnerable when dating, everyone – every day, everywhere – faces the fear and pain of not being “chosen” in some way. And let’s face it, many times we will not be the chosen one. Sometimes we will feel alone and lonely, less-than, not good enough, rejected, outside in the cold, looking in.
This is when we get to make a choice for ourselves. No matter how hard we try, how good we look, how carefully we protect ourselves, we can’t guarantee that we’ll never experience rejection from others – but that doesn’t mean we have to reject ourselves, as well.
We can be fiercely in our own corners, loving ourselves fearlessly and choosing ourselves every single day. In February, it’s all about romance and relationships, but the most important love affair you will ever have is with your own sweet self. This is especially true when you’re feeling vulnerable and hurt. So often the ego jumps on the bandwagon, heaping scorn and self-condemnation onto the embarrassment and shame we feel when we seemingly haven’t been “chosen” by someone, whether it’s a friend, co-worker, potential date, or an anonymous troll on the Internet.
When that happens, make a conscious choice to love and honor yourself. Treat yourself gently, like the precious, irreplaceable Being you truly are. I hope that “Hannah B” went home, had a nice hot bath and maybe cried a little with a good friend before heading to bed. Not alone, but with the most important person in her life – herself.
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