May: Into the Demon's Mouth

5/30/2018

In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion. ~ Machik Labdrön

It would be lovely if being on a spiritual path somehow meant that nothing would bother us anymore. We’d either become immune to the things that used to make us angry or sad or scared, or else maybe they wouldn’t even happen to us anymore! I wish.

I’m as averse as the next person to going through painful and uncomfortable circumstances, but I’ve come to know that wishing (or pretending) them away never works for long. In the end we’re forced to confront them head on and simply submit. The Buddhist story of Milarepa and the demons is a wonderful illustration of this:

Milarepa was a Tibetan yogi who lived in a cave. (You could definitely say he was on a spiritual path.) One day, when he returned from gathering firewood, he found his cave filled with horrible demons. First, he did as we all do and tried to chase them away. Predictably, this did not work.

Next, he tried talking with them sweetly and reasonably, trying to persuade them to leave. This is the strategy of “spiritual bypass,” when we try to convince ourselves that we really aren’t bothered by the demons – we’re above that, right? If we can just stay Zen and use our affirmations, surely the demons will leave and we won’t really have to deal with them… But they didn’t.

Finally, Milarepa realized that they were not going to go away and leave him in peace. Looking each one in the eye, he bowed to it, accepting it as his teacher. At last, they disappeared... All but one.

The most ferocious one of all remained. It was terrifying! Milarepa would have given almost anything to avoid doing what he knew he had to do, but – and this is the truth for all of us – he really had no choice. The only way out is in. Surrendering completely, he placed his head in the slavering mouth of the demon, and it too disappeared.

Once we truly turn and face what scares us most, it no longer has any power over us. We learn that we can actually bear the discomfort. This is real spiritual maturity – not to be without pain, but to face pain (fear, sadness, anger, boredom, loneliness, embarrassment, rejection) without running, fighting, or pretending we’re above it.

9 Comments

Christy link

5/31/2018 04:13:03 am

Thank you for your insight Amaya. You are exactly right, and I have found that the fear of facing our fears is usually worse than actually facing them. Thank you for the reminder.

Amaya

5/31/2018 06:51:50 am

Yes, fear of facing them, and that underlying belief that we really shouldn't have to! :)

John

5/31/2018 05:04:26 am

So true about those demons. I’m a widower. My biggest demon is loneliness & abandonment. To face the 2 in the face is the hardest challenge I’ve ever had. This post has given me the strength and knowledge to go through. Thank you.

Amaya link

5/31/2018 06:49:29 am

John, I'm so glad if this helped. I spent a good bit of last night facing my demons - they get bolder at night, I find! For some reason it helps me to remember that the demons are my path right now. Not forever, but for now, this is what I'm supposed to be experiencing, so I might as well experience it. The only way out is through, just like a tunnel. Please contact me if I can offer any help!

Randy

5/31/2018 09:34:22 am

Hi Amaya,
I was raised to be fearful of everything. I thought that around every corner was something terrible waiting to befall me. My Mother kept a tight grip on me and I was like a lamb to slaughter when I attempted to make my way in the world. I made so many mistakes and suffered so much because of my fears but I also learned so much about life and myself because of them. I learned that I am so resilient and resourceful. I learned that I was strong and determined, that I was more powerful that my fears. But most importantly, I learned that no matter what happened it was going to be alright because this experience was supposed to teach me something. I know in my heart that there are no accidents or random events. Everything happens for a reason and it happens to help my spirit mature and evolve. So I want to thank you for being an important part of my growth and to tell you that you are not alone when you face your demons. You are a shining light in this world and everyone that you have touched is standing with you each night , staring those demons down. Whatever happens will be alright because you are loved Amaya. Do not be afraid. We are with you.

Amaya Pryce

5/31/2018 11:15:03 am

Randy, thank you so much!! I really appreciate and feel your support.

David Adams

6/2/2018 01:58:49 pm

You are so spot on....Thankyou

Debbie

6/3/2018 04:34:29 am

Hi Amaya, how does one face their fears and "confront them head on and simply submit", to "face pain (fear, sadness, anger, boredom, loneliness, embarrassment, rejection) without running, fighting, or pretending we’re above it."?

I am struggling with many of these right now (anger at myself, embarrassment for things I have done and mostly haven't done). What does facing them look like? can you give an example of a statement we would say to ourselves? For example, "I feel anxious and angry when I get embarrassed about not feeling attractive" or "feeling like I fit in". I am angry and embarrassed I am stuck in indecision. I say this but it doesn't seem to help.

6/3/2018 07:26:40 am

Dear Debbie,
The one part about the Milarepa story that I don't like is how his final demon "disappears" once he puts his head in its mouth. I find that my own demons linger a long time, and my surrender has to be repeated over and over again. The healing of longstanding patterns often takes a long time. What you describe as something to say to yourself is exactly right. Call it out; bring those thoughts and feelings into the light of awareness and simply hold them there. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort, without getting caught in the story about it (for example, without going into all the "reasons" why you don't feel attractive or the "evidence" that you don't fit in -- those are just thoughts. You can watch them come up without getting involved in them). Each time you do, you weaken the hold they have on you, and the demon has a little less power to scare you. This is the general process. Repeat as often as needed! :)

Professional Student of Life

May: Into the Demon's Mouth

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