Professional Student of Life
Adventures in personal growth
I’ve been single for a while now, and I have to say, it’s going very well. Like… it’s working out. I think I’m the one. ~ Yvette McIntire (yvettemcintire.com)
I’ve been on quite a journey in the five years since my divorce. At first, I just assumed that I would be in a relationship again soon. Before I got married (way back in my twenties), it seemed like there were always men around, and I was pretty much always in a relationship.
It took me a while to figure out that no men were showing up on their own steam. Then I tried (half-heartedly) to find a man through the internet. On two or three occasions I lasted several days before closing my account in despair. Yes, there were plenty of men there, but they weren’t what I was looking for. My tolerance for kissing frogs in search of a prince was much diminished from thirty years ago.
I’ve had many discussions with friends in a similar situation. Are we just being too picky? I don’t think so. When I consider who I was back in my twenties, it isn’t surprising that I was able to find many people to date. Aside from the obvious, I was more or less unformed, just like everyone I was meeting. We didn’t know who we were yet, and so the possibilities seemed endless. Kissing frogs was just what you did in order to find out.
Well, I know who I am now.
I found out the hard way. I’ve done the work to become the person I am today, and I’m no longer willing to spend a lot of time with people who haven’t done theirs (especially in an intimate relationship). This cuts the possibilities down considerably! I also love my life as a single woman. A relationship would have to be very good to tempt me. I am free and happy and excited about my future. I have wonderful, evolved friends to share my life with.
Does this mean that I’ve “given up?” In a sense, yes: I’ve given up the search. I think the relationship I want is like a precious and rare diamond, one that must be found by pure chance or fortune or kismet. It won’t be found by kissing frogs. (No offense is intended to either frogs or men by this.)
But “giving up” sounds like defeat, and I feel far from defeated. I actually celebrate how far I’ve come on my personal journey, how much I’ve learned about myself and life. I celebrate my unwillingness to compromise or settle for anything less than pure joy simply to have the comfort and security of a body next to me. I’ve spent far too much of my life putting other people’s wants and needs in front of my own.
Yes, I’ve finally found myself - and I am the one.
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