Amaya Pryce: spirit-based life coaching
  • Home
  • Offerings
    • Work with me
    • Books & articles
  • About
  • Blog
    • Professional Student of Life

Professional Student of Life

Adventures in personal growth

The Year of Not Writing

10/30/2019

14 Comments

 
Picture
If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark. ~ St. John of the Cross

​Well, maybe it hasn't been a year, but it feels like it. Month after month I sit down to write, and each time I end up thinking.... maybe next month. One of the things I often tell people I coach is to follow their inner guidance. This is great when you clearly know what you want, but when you feel conflicted it usually translates into: Wait. And waiting is hard. The ego craves certainty, action, charging ahead.
 
This has not been a year of charging ahead for me. This has been a year of taking baby steps in a number of directions and then waiting to see what unfolds. I’ve had an almost comical series of large, unexpected bills (most of them involving dentists or pets, and sometimes - just for variety - a combination of the two). I’ve been “let go” from a job for the first time in my life. I’ve had a letter from a collection agency over an issue I thought was resolved – also a first.
 
I am dancing with the Universe in a whole new way this year! It actually feels pretty good. Security is always an illusion, anyway (although it’s a very comforting one). True security cannot come from an outside source: a relationship, job, or bank account. Real security comes from knowing in your bones that you are safe and loved, that there is a plan underneath the seeming chaos, and that all you ever need to do is to respond to the present moment with the best you have to give. The rest is out of your hands.
 
I’m over trying to force my life in a certain direction. I like the feeling of drifting with the current – when I can quiet my ego, that is. My ego has a disconcerting tendency to shout things like “What a loser!” and “You’re going to end up on the streets!” at odd moments if I don’t keep an eye on it.
 
In the past, I’ve used both physical and spiritual means to try to force my life to go the way I thought it should go. Of the two, the latter is much more dangerous. It involves seemingly healthy and evolved practices like visualizing, saying affirmations, and praying, but then puts them all in the service of the ego. We’re still trying to control what happens to us, but it’s all cloaked in a misty haze of spirituality.
 
I’ve given up most of my spiritual “practice” this year, which scared me at first. I’m not reading many books nor taking any classes, not meditating (at least formally), not working any goals or affirmations. At first I thought – my ego thought – that I was taking a huge step backward and simply reverting to where I was before starting on this spiritual journey. Lately I’ve come to see it differently.
 
I think (and hope) that I’m entering a sort of “post-spiritual” phase, rather than reverting to an earlier one. In this new phase, spirituality is divorced from the ego. It’s a much freer way to live! There’s a lot less to do, because I’m not trying to control anything, including my own spiritual growth. Everything is simply unfolding the way it wants to unfold. My only job is to be open to what’s happening, to be an active participant in the present moment. And then the next present moment, and the next.
 
As you might expect, this is a lot harder to write about than the old way! On the surface it looks like a whole lot of nuthin’ going on. But this is where I am. I’d love to hear whether this resonates with your own experience. I’ve contemplated dismantling my website and business altogether, but I’d also love to continue to be of service if anyone is still interested in exploring this "post-spiritual" world with me. At any rate, I will probably continue to write less often than I used to – I’ll shoot for once a quarter. Thank you all so much for reading, and for being the amazing people that you are!

14 Comments
T
11/1/2019 02:33:28 am

After almost 20 years at the same job, this year I left to join a startup. They value me for the experience I bring to the table, I value them because it has forced me to grow in unexpected ways. And one of those ways is to try to shape but not control what happens. I've seen my spirituality evolve from practice to philosophical discussion this year. Your words completely resonate and I think it partially has to do with the dominant culture - a lot of us are suffering from chaos burnout. I think finding a safe place to rest is imperative. We just can't forget to keep going in the ways we are able to.

Reply
Leah
11/1/2019 03:42:29 am

I hope you don’t quit writing because I will miss you. Like you, I’ve chased after all kinds of “spiritual” solutions. I’ve left the library so many times with hopeful stacks of solutions to all my problems. My email inbox overwhelms me daily with inspirational reading bites that pull me in a million directions. But your words always arrive at the right time and still all the waters. They always resonate perfectly. It’s amazing.
At 57 years old and single, my three kids are up and gone and I’m on my own. I’ve dreamed a long time about the cute little house just for me. I’m in it right now, in fact. But the big family home just doesn’t want to sell and I’m bleeding money daily and panicking and railing at the universe for not giving me the dream I feel I so rightly deserve. I’ve made myself physically ill over the conflict. The best thing I could do for myself is to let go and ride this.
I’m downsizing. Culling my library will be the hardest, but your two slim little books will definitely remain on my shelf. They are the best I’ve read.
I hope you don’t quit writing because I will miss you.

Reply
Angela
11/1/2019 04:42:56 am

I feel you slipping away a bit and I don't like that. I so enjoy your way with words. You have such a gift. Please keep giving. What you express from your soul is a joy to receive. So there should be no timetable, there should be no striving. It is all unfolding just as it wants to. Spiritual questing does not have to be a job. I, too, value those two little books of yours. I travel around a lot and they go with me. Just open up to any page and soak up the insights and wisdom. I wish you a peaceful heart as you continue your journey.

Reply
Sofia
11/1/2019 06:13:40 am


“I’ve contemplated dismantling my website and business altogether” - please don’t !! You’ve helped me feel I wasn’t alone and lonely during this gut wrenching and heart aching time in my life. You’ve confirmed my belief to not fight the tide but to simply drift. This moment of silence in life is daunting, it’s a scary feeling.... to not know where we’re going. Lots of people take a very long period to get to this phase and it feels empty. I accidentally came across your article “the power of waiting when you don’t know what to do”. It’s helped me to stop fighting an exhausting fight with life. Please keep writing, especially on liminal times.

Thank you,
Sofia

Reply
Irena
11/1/2019 06:25:52 am

Thank you for the nice words you are putting together. I can completely understand you and support you to go the way you started. Take your time, we all need it to bring better fruits afterwards. Whatever you’ll have to give to this word you will when the time is right. Follow your heart and do as it says.
Looking forward to your new writing whenever it will be.

Reply
Kelly
11/1/2019 06:39:30 am

First of all I think you should continue writing because I agree with the others, what you write is very insightful and it is impactful for me. I guess I'm only saying you should for my own selfish reasons. :)

I get a lot from your posts, because first time I read them, I thought oh I'll be darn, I guess I'm doing okay after all. The fact that what you were writing was what I was feeling made me feel grounded and that I was on the right path after all. And maybe on the same path as someone I didn't even know. Which I also found very comforting.

I had to leave my very comfortable job and position two years ago due to a toxic environment. Although it was very difficult to go through, having to do a job search after many years of being in job with good pay and benefits, I knew the universe was about to shape me in a new way. I was being molded and prepared for a change, as I have been many other times in my life. I came to the conclusion that this was another phase for change. Although there was definitely a certain amount of uncertainty, I was still excited for what the new change would bring. Somehow, I had a peace about me that it would turn out okay regardless. And it did. I'm in a much better environment with very positive people. In a similar job role and pay.

I also am I on a similar path as far as my spirituality. I haven't been praying as often as I normally do, or was. Which was, or normally is, on a daily basis. My thoughts have been that our creator will love us no matter how much we speak to him or her. We are loved, no matter our thoughts, our actions, or our deeds. I instead have been also just trying to appreciate my life and my family, and myself. I'm trying not to let that inner voice, and as you have stated, our ego, overrule everything. I'm trying to not let it dictate everything for me. I'm learning to also live in the moment and appreciate the Here and Now. I'm getting better at quieting my ego or at least remaining quiet long enough a ride through the feelings of uncertainty. I'm getting better at not acting on anything and realizing when my ego is saying I'm not doing something correctly, or that I'm not doing enough, or that I should be doing something else or be somewhere else. You're right, waiting can be difficult. But that's all part of the process of learning to trust that the right things will be provided for us right when we need it. Or the right people I'll be there for us, right when we need them.

So like all of us, I would imagine you can appreciate some encouragement as well. I am someone that enjoys reading what you have to say. I will still continue to read your posts as they come into my inbox, and whenever they do. Do whatever you need to or whatever will be best for you. Just want to let you know that I personally will still enjoy reading what you have to say because my thoughts are so similar in line with yours. I feel encouraged every time I read what you write. And if you choose to still write, and whenever that may be. I will enjoy reading it.

Peace be with you.

Reply
Jeannie
11/1/2019 04:05:19 pm

I am so glad that you have found your voice again!

Change is so disruptive and challenging to process; you have a gift for articulating that process so clearly and poignantly. All who have had the honor of experiencing your journey of growth and change through your written word have been blessed by your ability to share your insight. You have a keen ability to link the physical with the spiritual in a way that brings others along with you.

Your journey has taken you up quite a few rungs on the ladder and you have been a dedicated student of life for quite a while. I have been honored to watch you apply your deep knowledge and spiritual insight to life’s challenges. You fully embrace and accept what life brings your way and you have been able to transform your mind to apply all that you have learned to your daily circumstances.

I am confident that your voice will adapt to your new way of life. Those of us who have benefited from your spiritual journey will also benefit from reading how you have used and apply those principles to daily living and fully embracing the present moment.

I can’t wait to see what is next for you!

Blessings to you my dear friend!

Reply
John
11/2/2019 09:06:20 am

Please don’t Quit writing!!!!!
I look forward to your post, even if it does take you almost a year to write. I stumbled on your website after my wife passed away. I found we think alike and contemplate the same ideals. Therefore I feel I’m not a lone in this world with those only thoughts. Your words are an inspiration to me. You write so beautiful. Keep your head up and before you know it, what you thought was a bad has passed and forgotten about and all of a sudden your on a new quest.
Don’t throw in the towel, you have a true gift that we all appreciate!!!

Reply
Margaret Hoey
11/3/2019 10:27:55 am

This all sounds to me like Saint Theresas dark night of the soul. Believe me I’ve been there. And truly you have no obligation to anybody but yourself. I will miss you if you step away from your spiritual writings. Your book 5 things sits on my desk. And you sound so alone then I wish I could reach out and pat you on the hand and say “there there this too shall pass” I would also say to you step back and look with fresh eyes. Pick one little thing to focus on each day no matter how small and then that will give you the energy to sustain you when you confront the big ones. Like did it work about the cats teeth and did it work about yours? Find a little magic even if you don’t believe in pixie dust go seek some out for heaven sake’s before it’s too late and you turn your back on all the most wonderful parts of yourself. Consider me beside you I will be your friend. And if it seems so bad you just don’t wanna do anymore go back to the original— breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out. You’ll make it you just have to get through this bad patch!❤️

Reply
Simona
11/4/2019 02:21:04 pm

💜 Dear Amaya,
Finding your Post in my inbox was a delightful surprise! I have been thinking about you, your kindness and refreshing outlook on life and situations. In many ways you are an inspiration to me about questioning the status quo, embracing change and creating new beginnings. With gratitude I recall you holding my hand, both figuratively and quiet literally, during moments of self doubt, fear and scarcity. I look up to you as an inspiration to write and share my own thoughts and insights someday. Thanks for sharing your journey so openly and humbly. I celebrate where you are at. I appreciate that the place you occupy right now is the result of both hard work, self inquiry and compassion. I understand this journey brought some difficult moments and I reach out to you with a HUGE hug because I care about you. I think of you as one of my sisters on the path of growth, self discovery and deeper understanding of the intricate dynamics of life. This was perhaps my favorite post you wrote. I am grateful you wrote it and put your inner critic in its place long enough to share it with us all. However often you write, I believe shall not matter. What does matter is that you continue believing in all the goodness and wisdom you have to share and contribute to this world 🌍🌎. I hope you keep your website active and you look at how to incorporate your experiences and wisdom of this past several months into one of your offerings. Thanks also to all who replied to your post. 🙏

Reply
Josue
11/5/2019 05:54:14 am

Thanks for your sincere and honest post.

I was very surprised to read it because I have been experiencing the same questions and reasoning in the past year or so. And not only that, but I also have issues with my career as well as a complete change of directions in my life that I'm still not quite able to understand.

We are going through a very trying era in the world. Things are getting particularly twisted everywhere and there is definitely a need of change. I also think that change has to be individual because we have become too individualistic.

It's a time to connect with ourselves. With that part of ourselves that we have been losing contact with. The one that will never stop being connected to the Universe, no matter how lost we have become.

As you see, your post has absolutely resonated inside me.

Reply
Amber
11/14/2019 11:50:00 am

I always enjoy reading your contemplations and reflections. They really resonate with me. It is delightful to hear your honesty, and remember that others have similar spiritual journeys through life. I hope you continue to write. Thank you for your offerings thus far!

Reply
Carolyn
1/24/2020 07:32:16 am

Just found your website- your ebb tide article really resonated with me. Children not immediately being successful, money issues, not finding love for years after divorce. I could’ve been the one writing it! Hope you continue to post and write!

Reply
Ripley
2/12/2020 09:56:44 am

"A life truly lived, constantly burns away veils of illusion, burns away what is no longer relevant, gradually reveals our essence, until at last, we are strong enough to stand in our naked truth".

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Join the family!

    ​By entering your email address you agree to receive my (quasi-) monthly blog. which occasionally includes offers from me. Per my privacy policy, you can unsubscribe at any time.
    * indicates required


    Archives

    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014

Privacy Policy
Website and content by Amaya Pryce, writer and life coach. All rights reserved.
​Contact: amaya.pryce@gmail.com
  • Home
  • Offerings
    • Work with me
    • Books & articles
  • About
  • Blog
    • Professional Student of Life